Jason B Herald

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to commit suicide,” she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn’t want to miss an opportunity so he asked… “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?”

So she does… And it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

After she’s finished, the biker says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That’s a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl……”

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve acci

From a co-worker

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A drunk woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City. The taxi driver, who happened to be an old Jewish man, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.

She said to him, “What’s wrong with you honey? Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old man said “Lady, I’m not staring at you, I am telling you, det vould not be proper vair I come from”.

She said, “Well, if you’re not staring at my breasts sweetie, what are you doing then?”

He said, “Vell, I am looking and I’m looking, and I am tinking to myself, vair in da hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride.”

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

… Well, I have done something about it: a couple of nights ago I was out for a few drinks with some pals and had a few too many adult beverages. Realizing full well that I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I’ve never done before – I took a bus home.

I arrived home safely and without incident which was a real surprise, since I had never driven a bus before and am not even sure where I got this one.